Currently Listening The Devil You Know By Todd Snider see related

measure your life in seasons of love

We see moments of subtle greatness everyday in other people. Kind looks, unintended good deeds, gentle reminders that humans--as flawed and hurtful as we are, are created in the very image of God. Created for something great and so much bigger than the world we are living in. We are here to do our best every day to make it a better place, a loving place, a disconnected joy filled world. It has to be recognized. I am often thought overly optimistic, I dare say it's at times to a fault, but even though I have found myself let down repeatedly by those I have loved and poured my soul into, the rise before the fall, the lesson written on my consciousness and the way back up have been more than worth it. The past year has been reflective for me. It has been preparatory. It has been about drilling down on what I want, have always wanted and the new desires that arise daily and figuring out what has happened before and how it has to happen from then forward to lead me exactly where I am suppose to be.

I guess the winds of change have blown my way. As my girls' lives around me are changing, with wedding bells ringing, diamonds being delivered and babies planned for next week...somehow, while I was spending my time running, hiding and guarding, being the one who supported love but wanted no part of it, the walls fell down like Jericho. No one had to march around with horns and voice because I am finally prepared as you can ever be. I am ready, I'm okay...more than okay and as weird as that is it feels oddly comfortable. I am looking forward with excitement in the heart that wore some sadness for awhile. Maybe I won't end up alone, which I am okay with either way. But right now, I know that I have to give. I have to open my heart, dust out the cob webs that stretch from side-to-side and remember how to be happy with more than just myself. I am going to do it right this time my heart won't let me do it any other way.

I hope that I am one of those people, I try to be. I hope that when people encounter me, their life is made better because of it. I hope that the love in my heart grows daily as I walk along life's narrow way. As it grows, I want it to be seen and shared by the least of these. The girl at Starbucks on my afternoon venti-iced-black-tea-unsweetened break should see it. The man in the deli downstairs should see it. If I am living my life the way I am called, other people should experience love and gentleness through me. Harshness must fade. Walls must fall. Openness must grow.

Many times we are fine on our own but sometimes we find someone who can challenge us enough to support us, who can push to the edge and catch us when we fall. These people share our homes, our lives and our hearts. They wrap us with love and send us out into a broken world to make a difference and remember why it is that we commit to the things we do. These people are the spine that holds our bodies upright when we are beaten, bleeding, bruised and ready to throw in the towel. I guess my point is...it's worth fighting. Through all the punches, jabs, bobbing and weaving we become exhausted. And we need those reminders. The people who help us heal. The people who lift us up when we have no strength of our own. Even those who seem the strongest and put on the best show need that hand once in awhile too so watch for them and be cognizant of when they have fallen apart. I hope I have enriched your life the way mine has been by you.

Currently Reading The Relevant Church: A New Vision For Communities Of Faith By Mike Howerton see related

Last night at church, we were discussing Hosea.  We have been going over the minor prophets during "the forty".  The entire time my relatability to Gomer was a bit disturbing and left my voice from the not too distant past echoing in my head.  I've had some rough riding relationships over the past year, which are rooted in primarily he same cause.  I have a really hard time allowing someone to love me.  I remember being on the couch with he who we do not speak of and being completely crushed.  It was too late and (luckily in retrospect) I had walked away.  I crushed someone I truly loved, which seems to have been my style and then it found me broken hearted when it was too late.  All I could say to him, while he watched me bleeding as my soul's walls were ripped off was, "why can't I just let someone love me?"  I wondered and wondered and thought and thought.  It hit me last night, at least part of the answer and why I have run from something that could have been so good (not what I most recently ran from, that was a good decision, though the course of action wasn't the best, but the one that fell apart as it ate my dust about two years ago).  If you don't understand love, if you think it less than what it is capable of you will prostitute out your heart for something that isn't real.  I have done this repeatedly.  My heart is wrapped in bubble wrap as a security system.  When I hear a single pop, all hell breaks loose and God only knows what is to come.  That is changed.  Kiley is right, I have learned a lot about myself in the past year.  It hasn't just been because I've been working on it, alot of it is because of Kiley and a few other people who God placed in my life "for such a time as this".  I've learned a lot about love from failing.  I've learned a lot about love from breaking my own heart.  I've learned a lot about love by learning what it really means.  I've learned a lot about love by accepting the purest love you can receive, God's love.  When you have tasted its goodness and let it guide your life, you are opened up to a picture of love in ways you never could have sketched before.

So, my hair is brown...

Get me out of my office!!!!